How rigid should your boundaries be?

My clients frequently ask me some version of that question.

Sometimes it's in the form of, "I WANT to make this exception, but does that mean I'm compromising my boundaries?"

Or, "Am I holding this line because I'm being stubborn or because it's the right thing to do?"

Or, "Will people walk all over me if I give in this one time?"

This is what I tell them.

Boundaries are not all or nothing. They are not set in stone, to be enforced forever and ever, amen.

Some boundaries are brick walls. Nothing gets past them. They don't move.

Other boundaries are picket fences. They're more flexible. They have wiggle room and space for things to slip through.

Someone's not welcome in your home because they are a danger to you or your family? Hard brick wall.

Someone accidentally bought your course twice and is asking for a refund of the duplicate purchase, despite your clearly stated No Refunds policy? Maybe that one's a picket fence.

If you set a boundary and it's clearly not working for you, you're free to change it.

You can make exceptions as you see fit when you have good reason to. When it's not compromising your convictions. When you'd want someone to treat YOU that same way.

There are no boundary police to fine you for not maintaining your boundaries.

There is you, your conscience, your integrity. You must be able to sleep at night, knowing you did the right thing.

Sometimes that means holding fast to your boundary, and sometimes that means making an exception.

Only you can decide which one is right at any given time.

Whatever you decide, do it willingly and not under duress, guilt, or resentment. Take responsibility for your decision. Then, to paraphrase Jack Canfield, if you don't like the result of that decision, make a different one next time.

Hit Reply and let me know!